There was Mike Gundy’s mullet. There were guarantees gone bad. There was Kiffin vs. Saban. And there was Harbaugh. Oh, there was Harbaugh.
If there were any doubts that the first full year without Steve Spurrier would lead to a drop-off in great quotes, that was quickly put to rest. So grab a glass of whole milk, put on your Woody Hayes/Michael Douglas in “Falling Down”/Malcolm X tribute glasses and enjoy the best one-liners of the season.
Jim Harbaugh on …
His state of mind
Enemies and jive turkeys
“A lot of this (Harbaugh to NFL) talk is coming from our enemies. They like to tell that to the recruits and to their families and try to manipulate them into going to some other school besides Michigan, but we know them as jive turkeys.”
The refs in the Ohio State game
“If you throw a hat, if you throw your script toward your sideline, that’s a penalty? The lineman said ‘it is in basketball.’ I said ‘this isn’t basketball.’ He told me that he officiates basketball. I don’t know the relevance. He said it would have been a technical in basketball.”
His team’s health
“We had some sickly youngsters last week. We’ve got to build some immune systems — more push-ups, more whole milk.”
His new glasses
“This style in particular is a tip of the cap, a nod to Woody Hayes, to Michael Douglas in the movie ‘Falling Down’ and also to Malcolm X, in honor of those three men.”
His time on a high school chain gang
“They needed a guy, and I was promised a tri-tip steak sandwich at halftime. That was all I needed to hear.”
The Tao of Mike Gundy’s mullet
Billy Ray Cyrus … “Coach Gundy rockin’ the mullet? Yeah, shows class — and brass!”
Oklahoma State DC Glenn Spencer … “I just love looking at it every day. It’s one of the highlights of my day to see where it’s coming down his neck and touching his collar and how it’s below the collar.”
Oklahoma QB Baker Mayfield … “It’s ferocious. It’s very dirty. You’ve got to respect that he’s rocking it.”
Oklahoma State TE Zac Veatch … “I thought, ‘Well, maybe he hasn’t gotten a haircut in a while.’ That was the last I saw of it all summer. Then he comes in for preseason camp and I’m thinking, ‘That’s a mullet. That’s a full-blown mullet. That’s not a mistake. That’s mullet.'”
Guarantees gone wrong
Basically, this guy should stop talking
“I think they have a really basic defense. I think we can go out there, Baker, him, he’ll light them up. I’m really looking forward to it. If my number’s called, I think I can do the same.” — Oklahoma freshman QB Austin Kendall before losing 45-24 to Ohio State
Coach Stoops, your thoughts?
“Ridiculous comments. I don’t know what he could’ve been watching.”
Champions of making Florida look bad
“Nobody has ever seen a duck pull a truck. Florida Gators are going to win, simple as that. That’s it on that. Any other questions?” — Florida CB Quincy Wilson before Tennessee beat the Gators 38-28
“It’s as simple as this: Tennessee plays Florida every year — either in Gainesville or in Knoxville — and at Florida, we win. At the end of the day, the University of Florida is going to beat the University of Tennessee. That’s the culture, that’s history. That’s what’s going to happen. Some things just continue to take place, and one of those things is the University of Florida beats the University of Tennessee in football.” — Florida CB Teez Tabor
Have you ever seen a Duck pull a truck?
— GoDucks (@GoDucks) September 22, 2016
Well, the defense did play well, I suppose
“I really see us dominating this offense. I really see us dominating this team.” — LSU’s Dwayne Thomas before losing 10-0 to Alabama
Best of the rest
This is what $20,000 worth of a ref rant sounds like
— ESPNU (@ESPNU) October 30, 2016
But your cake lost to Kansas
“I baked the cake at Texas. Now it’s Tom Herman’s job to put icing on the cake & win a lot of games.” — Charlie Strong at his South Florida introductory press conference
Not quite “Jesus, girls and Marcus Mariota,” but we’ll take it
“Every day, I go to bed and thank God for three things: my wife, my children and Clancy Pendergast.” — USC coach Clay Helton
Why did Lane take a pay cut to work at Florida Atlantic? Oh.
“There are no arguments. Those are called ass-chewings.” — Nick Saban
You’re not helping, Jonathan
“We have a personal mission each practice to get Coach Saban to chew [Lane Kiffin] out.” — Alabama DL Jonathan Allen
This is why they call him “No Chill Schill” (No one calls him that)
“I told him I can only give him one bit of advice which probably everyone in the state of Oregon can give him, which is: Go find a great defensive coordinator.” — Oregon president Michael Schill’s advice for new coach Willie Taggart
Neither is all that delicious catering
“Was all this gathering of information a waste of time? Gathering information is never a waste of time.” — Oklahoma president David Boren, after the no-expansion vote following months of deliberating
Someone learned something from Mike Leach
“You’re trying to be tough because everybody thinks that because you live in Westwood and wear baby blue that you’re not tough. It makes you look less tough because you’re trying too hard.” — Washington State WR Gabe Marks on UCLA warming up on Wazzu’s side of the field
We want Bama?
“I wasn’t holding the sign.” — Washington coach Chris Petersen
If you say so… pic.twitter.com/HNuQNYSwzl
— College GameDay (@CollegeGameDay) November 12, 2016
Maybe the committee knew you’d eventually lose to Kentucky?
“It’s sad because there’s something called sportsmanship, but maybe I made a mistake. Maybe looking back at it, in Florida State (a 63-20 win Sept. 17), we should have kept all the starters in and scored 80 points and did that. But I don’t understand why it’s like that. I really don’t.” — Louisville coach Bobby Petrino after initial playoff rankings had his team at No. 7
It was a fierce battle
— Robby Donoho (@RobbyDonoho) November 27, 2016
Mac strikes back
“It just shocks me that somebody would question the Gators, and the way I look at it, [LSU] got what they deserved. And it should have been worse.” — Florida coach Jim McElwain after beating LSU in a postponed game after some in the Tigers’ administration said the Gators were afraid to play.